Dealing is the one word I can use to describe how I am getting through each day. There are mornings when I wake up and life seems like it is normal, and then there are those moments when I find myself sitting quietly with tears streaming down my face for no apparent reason; sometimes not so quietly. And then there are those thankfully rare moments when I lash out in anger or perhaps disappointment, and God help whoever is near to suffer my wrath. Unfortunately, poor B.O.B. Bob is usually the one in closest proximity, and thankfully he is quite liberal when it comes to forgiveness. He’s been my rock. My protector. The one that has shielded me from things that he and I both know I’m not ready to deal with, and taken on so many things that are above and beyond his responsibility; and he’s done all of this while suffering the loss of someone who has played just as important a role in his life as mine. While he bravely states that he’s used to loss, because that’s what he himself has suffered over the last ten years while losing four of his own family members, he and I both know that it’s just not true. It doesn’t get easier. It always hurts. So while I am no expert at loss, these are a few of the most important things I have come to realize over the past month.
- You never truly realize how much one person can possibly touch so many lives, but it’s nice and endearing to discover. Thank you to everyone who took the time to share his or her “Story of Matt.”
- Childhood memories are often amusing. Even though they happened years ago, they usually show a pattern in someone’s personality. Matt was always deep down a very stubborn child; he just got better at hiding it. It didn’t make us love him any less.
- Never underestimate the power of food. Even though eating still seems like something that has to be suffered through and endured most days, it is always nice to come home to a meal that a friend or neighbor has dropped off. Thank you. Without you, there would have been a lot of evenings where cheese and crackers played the main roll. Not that that’s a bad thing, but you know, sometimes a nice warm meal does a lot for one’s mood.
- A card can say more than a phone call; don’t hate on Hallmark. I find myself coming home most days for lunch, seeing as I only work a few minutes away. The past few weeks I have received a card in the mail almost every single day. While making me a bit sad, they have also shown me just how much others care.
- There are those people who constantly surprise you. It’s hard to know which people in your life will be the ones that are there for you when you really need someone the most. Just a hint, it’s usually not the friends that you think it will be.
- The people who can’t be there for you in person, sometimes find another way to show their love and support. They realize that it’s the weeks and most likely months later that you will need them the most, and they make it known that they are there for you when that time arrives.
- Some people don’t deserve a place in your world. This is the event in your life that made that undeniable. Don’t dwell on it. You kept the feelings deep inside your heart for a long time, this is just what it took to make you face it, and say goodbye. You’ll be the better for it.
- There are a few people that will go out of their way to be there for you, and realize that what you need most is for them not to be there. They are amazing. They know that you’ll need them soon enough, and are willing to wait for that moment.
- You have come to realize that while many people were acquainted with the one you’ve lost, few people really “knew” that person. This makes you cherish the ones that did.
- Normal life; it doesn’t exist. You take each day as it comes. Tears or laughter. You really don’t seem to have any say in the matter. Thankfully this whole experience has made you realize what things can really make a difference. Change has happened; you didn’t have a choice in it. But you do have a say in what that change will bring to your life. Make it count; even if it takes you a while to make that realization a reality.
A gigantic, huge, “I love you this much” hug to everyone who has made these past few weeks just a little bit easier. Even if it wasn’t always apparent from my response or reaction, I want you to know that it mattered. Thank you.
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