There is a “Green Bean War” going on in our household. Perhaps using the word “War” is a tad dramatic, but damn it I’m passionate about how my green beans should be cooked. B.O.B. Bob, being the Northerner that he is, prefers his green beans to be crisp and barely cooked. He also has this crazy tendency to sprinkle marjoram all over them. Crazy! It’s just not right. I, being the Southerner that I am, insist on my green beans being mushy as all get-out, and mixed in with copious amounts of bacon or ham. This is the correct way to eat green beans.
Need I say that green beans are usually not on the menu in our house? We grew insane amounts of them for several years in our garden, but I finally put my foot down when the freezer was full of tough green beans that B.O.B. Bob had let mature way too long before picking them. B.O.B. Bob believes that bigger is better when it comes to garden produce, and I am often left to suffer with the results of this mistaken belief. Zucchini are gigantic and full of seeds, cucumbers are desiccated in the middle, and green beans are tougher than dried out shoe leather. So last summer, when we didn’t grow green beans in our garden, my brother offered to bring us some. When he asked how many I wanted, I specifically let it be known that a few small bags would be more than enough for us. For those of you that remember my brother, you probably can guess where this story is going. “A few” meant an entirely different thing to Matt. I opened the door of our garage freezer to find several bags of green beans staring me in the face. Words were exchanged, Matt smiled, and B.O.B. Bob reveled in the fact that he would finally get to enjoy some green beans.
Last week, on the day it snowed, I finally had my first opportunity to telework. I decided to take advantage of the fact that I would be home all day, and I dusted off the crockpot to make a pot of glorious, squishy, and bacon-laden green beans. I tend to only use the crockpot when I am home all day, because I have a cat that likes to lick the condensation from around the lid of the crockpot when I’m not at home. We’ll save that story for another day. Today I want to talk about the little surprise I found waiting for me when I went out in the snow to get the green beans from the garage. I opened the freezer door and began to poke around. It seems that B.O.B. Bob and Matt played an even bigger trick on me. Not only were there several bags of green bags at the front of the freezer, but they had also buried several others underneath and behind other things, so that I wouldn’t see them. B.O.B. Bob and I will be eating green beans a lot this winter, but just to show him a lesson, I’m going to make sure they’re all Southern style. No crunchy, marjoram sprinkled green beans for you buddy.
- 2 Bags Frozen Green Beans
- 4 Cups Water
- 6 to 8 Slices Bacon, Cooked and Crumbled
- 4 Tablespoons Light Brown Sugar, Packed
- 2 Tablespoons Worcestershire Sauce
- 1 Teaspoon Dry Minced Onion
- Toss everything in the crockpot, on high setting, for at least 8 hours.
- These green beans were not super salty, because of the bacon I used. You may need to add a bit of salt at the end of the cooking time if you feel they aren’t salty enough for you.
- Throw in a finely chopped onion if you have one on hand, in lieu of the dry minced onion.
- Replace the bacon with a ham hock, diced ham, or country ham.
- Add freshly ground black pepper before serving.
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