This ham is the shit! Unlike the experience of Sunday Easter service. I know, I know, I’m going to Hell for that statement, and for using the word shit, and later on in this post for using the word f’ing…but hey, I didn’t use all the letters, so perhaps I’ll hover somewhere between Heaven and Hell, waiting for God to decide if he’s feeling up to my sarcasm. I just can’t help but speak up about my recent church experience, especially after discussing it with the B.O.B. Bob. I’m pretty f’ing liberal, but at the same time those that know me well, will also understand that I am very conservative. I’d love to think that I could go to a church service where people just call out as The Good Lord speaks to them, but in reality it just kind of makes me want to turn around and say shut the f’ up and listen.
I don’t understand “the show” that comes along with the average church experience now. It’s not what I remember from childhood, and it doesn’t comfort me. The B.O.B. Bob is a Catholic, so things have always been a little stricter on his end, but even he agrees that it’s weird for people to wander around and introduce themselves to one another for five minutes in the middle of a service. We don’t want to shake your hand, and pretend that we have some grand connection through God with you, we want to get to the sermon, hear what the pastor/priest has to say, and get the hell out before we catch the flu/plague from shaking one too many stranger’s hands. Is that wrong? Probably, but that’s what we feel, as we’re both rooting through the car for Wet Wipes, Purell, or anything we can find to kill the germs.
I want to go to a church service where the songs are traditional, the pastor has a great personality that shines through his message, allowing my mind not to wander, and all of that is wrapped up in a great little experience that takes less than an hour. Apparently I’m asking for too much, because this Easter Sunday was all about people shouting, “He is risen!” Well no shit, we wouldn’t be here if he wasn’t, I don’t need you to shout it in my ear. Once again, I’ll just say it now, I’m going to hell…but hopefully I’ll be going there in a hand basket…with a big ol’ heaping plate of BBQ Ham, and I won’t be shaking anyone’s hand on the way there.
P.S. I apologize to my parents for this post now, say a prayer for me, or for God, one of us is gonna need it.
- 1 Bone-In Ham Butt or Shank Half (Not Spiral Cut)
- 3 Tablespoons Maple Syrup
- 3 Tablespoons Dijon Mustard
- 2 Tablespoon Extra Virgin Olive Oil
- 2 Tablespoons Dark Rum
- 1/2 Cup Light Brown Sugar, Packed
- 1 Teaspoon Paprika
- 1/2 Teaspoon Freshly Ground Black Pepper
- 1/2 Teaspoon Onion Powder
- 2 Apples
- 2 Oranges
- 1/4 Cup Dark Rum
- Place the ham in a large aluminum baking pan, or on a large serving platter fat side facing up. Use a sharp knife to cut 1/4-inch score marks into the fat.
- In a medium bowl, mix together the maple syrup, mustard, olive oil, 2 tablespoons rum, light brown sugar, paprika, pepper, and onion powder.
- Pour the mixture over the ham, and use your hands to rub it into the fat scores.
- Cover the ham with plastic wrap or foil, and then refrigerate overnight.
- Slice the apples and oranges, place them in an aluminum baking pan, and add a few inches of water and the 1/4-cup of rum.
- Preheat your grill to 250 degrees. Add soaked hickory chips on top of the charcoal, and then place the pan with the fruit on top of the heating plate, add the grilling grate, and then place your ham on top of the grate fat side facing up.
- Cook the ham at 250 degrees for 5 to 6 hours, or until a thermometer reads 140 degrees.
- Allow the ham to rest for at least 30 minutes before slicing.
- This ham was made using a Big Green Egg, but you can also make this ham in an oven. Place the fruit, rum, and water mixture into the bottom of a roasting pan, and then place your ham over top of the mixture on a rack. Bake at 250 degrees until a thermometer reads 140 degrees. Use a smoked ham if you choose to use this cooking method.
- Boil the leftover marinade that the ham soaked in overnight, and use it later during the last 30 minutes of cooking time to baste the ham.
- Double the marinade recipe and boil half of it in a small saucepan to use as a serving sauce for the ham.
- Serve with freshly sliced pineapple.
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